HP and the Valentine MixUp
by Thatgayanime
Summary: It's Valentines Day at Hogwarts and Love is in the air! Ron tries to snog Hermione, Hermione attempts to figure out who her 'stalker' is, Harry is off in La-La land, Ginny wants the 'Deets' and you see how Draco somehow fits into all of this. (ABANDONED for now)
1. Chapter 1

**i own NOTHING! it ALL belongs to J.K Rowling! *cowers in corner hiding from copy-right people***

As Ron and Harry were sitting together in the Library, and Ron noticed it was near Valentines Day.

"Aah...Valentines Day. The day of Amor. Chocolates. Kissing-"

"Stammering blokes asking their loved ones out on a a date-" put in Harry

"True love." Ron kept on talking.

"Wet snogs in broom closets..." Harry trailed off as Ron kept staring off into space, "you know if you wait to long someone else is going to get Hermione, like always."

A book was thrown at his head while Ron yelled "And you call yourself my friend!"

"What the bloody hell was that for?" Harry asked while rubbing his head, "but honestly," he started as Ron glared at his food, "All I'm saying is that like Krum can show up and she'll be swept off her feet...and that _hurt_" he put in rubbing his chin.

"Well...I suppose it's about time I star acting like a man. I should let her know how I feel!" Ron stopped and thought for a few moments, "I know! I'll write her an anonymous note asking her to meet me at the lake!" He pulled out his Quill and some parchment and proceeded to write the following:

_To my sweet Hermy-kins, how I have longed to feel your arms around me..._

Harry stared and Ron and wished he had never said anything.

~**Half an hour later~**

_Your hair is as smooth as a chocolate river;_

_your eyes like shining stars;_

_your lips like two rose pettles;_

_your neck as graceful as a swan's;_

_your breasts like-_

"Merlin, Weasley! Will you just shut it?" Draco was sitting a few tables and away, and Rons love letter seemed to have annoyed him a bit, "I'm sick of hearing your spolit cliched metaphors about Grangers anatomy!" and with that picked up his things and stormed away.

Ron turned to Harry, "It's not _that _bad is it?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, Malfoys got a point, Ron. I don't think Hermione would object if you simply wrote 'Meet me tonight.'" and Harry went back to his homework, leaving a very (but easily) confused Ron to write a new Love note.

**A/N: well I hope you like it, the chapters will be really short, and its a short thing. I have it all planned out. Well look forward to more.**

**and also, I honestly couldn't care less if you commented or not, so do whatever you feel like. but, hey, who read author notes anyway? ...**

**or is that just me?**

**~LuvBug**


	2. Chapter 2

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! EVERYTHING BELONGS TO JK ROWLING!**

Hermione was walking when a small voice called from beside her "u-um, Hermione Granger?"

Startled, she turned around and saw a small girl holding something.

"Yes, that's me."

"Really? well...uh..this is for you" The small girl held out the Heart shaped Valentine card.

Hermione took it, "What is it?" she took it, opened it and read it out-load, "Meet me at the lake tonight afer dinner...signed 'someone who has loved you for a long time' " she looked at the girl "look I don't know what you've been told but I only fancy men."

"it's not from me" the girl blushed crimson and looked down embarrassed.

"oh, so if you didn't then who- HEEEEY! COME BACK!"

small small girl was running away, "sorry I'm not supposed to tell!"

When the girl was gone Hermione looked back at her card "The nerve of some people...wait there's a post script! 'PS: you like chocolate frogs right?'"

She looked up stunned "Chocolate frogs? How does this perosn know I like chocolate frogs? I've been keeping that a secret since first year!"

Hermione was sweating now, "What if I have a stalker! what if-" Someone bumped into her.

"AAAUUGH!" she turned around grabbed the guys shirt and shook him "Who are you? Why are you sneaking around? Did you send me this note!"

"n-n-n-no" Hermione quickly let go of the man and wiped her forehead.

"ok, let's stop this before I drive myself insane."

"uhm sure?" the random guy was still stumbling around.

Hermione turned "I'm going to the lake to find out who this mystery bloke is!"

"sheeeeze lady.." the guy and Hermione walked off in opposite directions, the guy not being careful to step over the heart shaped Valentine on the floor.

**A/N:** THANKS FOR READING! and i'll be updating real soon!

LOVE 4 U ALL!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I OWN NOTHING! it all belongs to good ol' J.K! :D **

**and also**

**WARNING! Use of the words Shag and Damn are in this chapter! xD**

Draco footsteps came closer to the abandon note on the corridor floor.

"Tch...Why do I bother with Fourth year girls...? Inexperienced face suckers, the whole lot of them..."

He kept on walking closer to the note.

"At this rate I'll never get a decent shag before Valentines is over. Hmm?"

He spotted the note.

"A note? And there's no one else in the corridor.."

He bend down and swiftly picked it up. It made a _Tksch_ sound as the edge of it scraped on the floor for a mila-second.

"Someone must've known I was headed this way."

He tried to wipe the very noticeable lipstick stain, in the form of lips, on his cheek as he looked at it.

"Lets see..."

He read it.

"Meet me at the lake tonight after dinner...someone who has loved you for a long time."

...

..."Well then."

_'Draco you stud, you're just too damn sexy.' _He thought to himself.

"oh hey, there's a P.S. ... ... ... Chocolate frogs? sweet baby Merlin, if this is from Pansy I'm going to Avada myself."

Somewhere off in the castle Pansy sneezes.

**A/N: well i hope you like it! tankles to my incredible imagination! OH AND I LOVE YOU GUYS WHO REVIEW! it honestly makes my day! :D**

**I wUv U aLl!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I OWN NOTHING! IT ALL BELONGS TO J.K ROWLING! **

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Chapter 4:

Some Hours Later (shortly after dinner)

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Pant. Pant. Pant.

'_now's my chance, I'll finally have a real live girlfriend!' _Ron happily thought as he dashed down the hall.

But then Ron tripped.

"!"

Ron fell to the floor, "W-whoa!" and made a thunk sound as he landed.

"Mr. Weasley, would you please be kind enough to explain why you are running about at this time when you should be bumbling in the other direction to your common room?"

"u-um. Oh Crap." Yes Ron, you are a man of many words.

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MEANWHILE...

Thump.

"Oooow! Where's my wand?" Hermione asked herself, as she started searching her robes.

She tried to ignore the _crunch!_ of a student being handled by the Giant Squid.

"Aha! Here be go-" ... "Lumos!" The grass and nearby bushes lit up.

"All right Mr. Mysterious, your arse is MINE. I'm going to kick it all the way to-"

_SNAP!_

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**A/N: OHNOEZ! WILL RON MAKE IT IN TIME TO STOP HERMIONE AND DRACO FROM TEARING EACH OTHER APART? WILL HE BE ABLE TO CLAIM HERMIONE AS HIS FIRST AND LAST GIRLFRIEND?**

**DID HE SQUASH HIS CHOCOLATE FROGS WHEN HE FELL, LEAVING HERMIONE WITH NOTHING TASTY TO EAT AT THE END OF THIS STORY? **

**And for that matter..**

**WILL CAPS LOCK BE ABLE TO FULLY EXPRESS MY FAN-GIRLY OBSESSION?**

**lawl, leave a review and tell me what you think!**

**also thanks to Ryan and Charizard**

**lovez u guys!**

**~Sara**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I OWN NOTHING! it all belongs to J.K Rowling!**

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Hermione spun around at the bushes started to rustle, "There!"

A voice uttered from the bushes "Bloody bushes..." forcing Hermione to yell "Show yourself!"

She paused then said "and since you know my secret anyway some chocolate frogs would be nice right about now."

The rustling bushes paused "what the bloody hell are you talk about? I don't have any flipping-" Draco sprung out the bushes with a pop.

"YOU!" Hermione yelled.

They immediately both started yelling.

"Oh, that's just peachy!" Draco started but Hermione yelled over him.

"YOU sent that note Malfoy? why on earth would you want to call me out here for?"

"You're the one that sent me the valentine, you stupid mud-blood! It's all so very clear now!" Malfoy kept going before she interrupted, "You're planning on finishing me off aren't you!"

"You know," Hermione started "that idea seems very temping...but another time maybe. I only came out here because I thought I had a stalker to put down."

"Well I only came because I thought I would get laid! and Merlins Boxers who would want to stalk you?" He chuckled.

Something in Hermione's brain popped, "Why you- I'll have you know I'm very Stalk-able!"

"Only for desperate virgins like shit-for-brains Weasley," Malfoy retorted, "And speaking of Weasley- Wait a tick! That's it! Weasley! Potter and Weasley were there...that time in the library..."

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**_EPIC FLASHBACK!_**

_"Merlin, Weasley! Will you just shut it?" Draco was sitting a few tables and away, and Rons love letter seemed to have annoyed him a bit, "I'm sick of hearing your spolit cliched metaphors about Grangers anatomy!" and with that picked up his things and stormed away._

_Ron turned to Harry, "It's not that bad is it?"_

_"As much as I hate to admit it, Malfoys got a point, Ron. I don't think Hermione would object if you simply wrote 'Meet me tonight.'" and Harry went back to his homework, leaving a very (but easily) confused Ron to write a new Love note._

* * *

_'Meet me at the lake tonight after dinner...someone who has loved you for a long time._

_PS: you like chocolate frogs right?'_

_

* * *

_

**END EPIC FLASHBACK!**

Draco took the note out of his pocket and saw Hermione staring into space, "Granger!" She looked at him he held out the note "Is this the note you thought I sent you?"

"Hey how'd you get that?"**  
**

"...must've taken Weasley some serious balls to pull this one off..." Draco put in.

"Are you saying Ron sent this?" Hermione questioned her eyes getting wide.

"That's exactly what I'm saying, are you stupid or something?" Draco answered.

"But he doesn't like me! He said so himself, last year!" Surprise and fear in her eyes.

"Look Granger, I don't care. You can stay here and wait, if he hasn't chickened out already. I'm going back to the castle," He turned and started to walk away.

"w-wait! you can't leave me by myself!"

"..oh? Can't I? now _this_is interesting," He turned to look at her "Would you prefer i stay out here with you, then?"

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**A/N: Hi there! okayso thx for being patient while I procrastinate...but in return you get a nice long juicy chapter to om-nom-nom on! :D (u know some of u pervs giggled at that)**

**I'll be updating SOON so fave and put this story on alerts or whatevzz! and remember I LUURRVVVE Reviews! :DD  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I OWN NOTHING! it all belongs to J.K Rowling!**

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Hermione's face turned red as she tried to explain "I'm just saying it's safer with two-**Malfoy**?"

Draco had walked up so he was right in front of Hermione.

"Well we could just do what we originally came out here to do," He put two fingers under her chin to tilt her head up, "I mean, it doesn't really matter who the girl is And I can't spend Valentines day alone you know."

Hermione eyes got wide as Draco leaned in closer and told her "close your eyes."

'Hermione Granger you are so going to hell for this' she thought as she closed her eyes.

She suddenly let out a yelp as Malfoy chomped down on her nose.

"Just kidding! It's SO much fun messing with you, Granger!" Draco took one look at her face and started laughing "Did you actually think I was going to kiss you?"

Hermione was furious. How DARE he lead her on like that. It made her want to hit something, or someone. "Malfoy...?" she said quietly.

"hmm?" he replied still pleased with his joke.

"you" She slapped him hard across the cheek "are DESPICABLE."

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**MEANWHILE...**

Ron ran out of the castle and dashed to the bushes by the lake.

"Thank goodness McGonagall came alone and rescued me. Merlin knows what Snape would have Filch do."

He got a brief glimpse of Snape ordering Filch to draw blood with a whip.

Ronald looked over and saw the back of Hermione and her bushy hair.

"It's...it's Hermione! She actually showed up!"

He took a moment to think on what he was about to do. But it was difficult to think so he acted on instinct.

He pounced out of the bushes "HERMY! ACCEPT MY LOVE!"

"HOLY JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS THAT THING?" Hermione gasped as she turned and saw Ron.

And indeed Ronald did look like a "Thing" with leafs and twigs in his hair his eyes popping out and his arm reaching out towards Hermione and his lips puckered.

Malfoy knew it was Weasley and watched thinking "What an idiot."

Until Hermione grabbed Ron by the shoulders and pushed him into Draco.

And Ronald thinking Draco was His "Hermy-kins" took no time at all at stuffing his tongue into Malfoys mouth.

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**A/N: i'm not particularly pleased with this chapter. feels too rushed. :/but anyway! i hope that YOU guys enjoyed it! **

**And also to toxicjade- you threatening to stalk me made me lol**

**Luna Elen- Thx for the feedback nice to know you liked both stories! :)**

**Invader Rachel- thx for reviews and idk what Hermione is thinking lol :P**

**Moosifat- glad you like and and hoping your still reading it :]**

**Wetstar- why thx u! i think its awesome too! haha**

**KoOlKaTmEoW13- in the library, but i think i might have answered you already. :)**

**updating soon! and reviews pl0x? :D**

**~sara  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**I OWN NOTHING! it all belongs to wonderful J.K Rowling! I'm just playing dolls in my mind and writing it all out! **

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"mmfph!" Malfoy managed a muffled yell, "Graaangerrr!" He tried calling to her for help.

But only Ron responded with a "Oh Hermione..."

That made Hermione understand it was Ron, not a monster, "wait a minute... Ron?"

"graaangerrr 'eelp mee!" Malfoy was starting to loose air-flow into his lungs, finally Hermione took pity on him.

"Ron," she tapped him on the shoulder, "Ron. Ronald..."

Draco tried to push Weasley way but he had a firm grip on Draco's face, "aiii can't breeth!"

"Ron, I think you're suffocating Malfoy. And your clothes smell like firewhiskey..." She took out her wand.

'He can't even hear me' she thought and sighed, 'I suppose it wouldn't do to have a student killed, even if it is Malfoy.'

"Dormeus" She pointed her wand at Ron and he dropped to the ground, snoring loudly.

Granger watched as Malfoy managed to get his breath back and said in-between coughs "Weasley's tongue! He stuck his tongue in my mouth! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!"

Hermione interrupted him and simply said "A simple 'Thank You' would have been nice."

Draco turned towards her and towered over her and proceeded to yell; "'Thank you'? for what! shoving a drunk idiot like Weasley in my face then putting him to sleep? I just locked lips with a MAN Granger, and that is something Draco Malfoy just does NOT do, all right! I might as well bollocks on a block and chop them off! Do you smell my breath! That's WEASLEY BREATH your smelling!"

Hermione just stared at him, almost to afraid to say anything.

Draco was frantically thinking 'I'm not gay. I'm not gay! Merlin, that was disgusting!' Suddenly he put his hands on her face.

"Malfoy, what the hell are you doing?" But Granger knew exactly what he was doing.

"Proving i'm hetero. Now shut up and remember that this is YOUR fault" He leaned forward.

"Whoa now, hold on just a-" But Malfoy interrupted her this time by slamming his lips onto her.

And as they kissed Ron snored loudly, and even Giant squid and his unfortunate captive watched the oh-so-romantic kiss scene.

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**A/N: Dracos such-a homo-phoebe...but awwwww! cute romantic kiss scene! and i'm so so so so(x1000) times sorry for not updating, but I haz a life too! D:**

**and toxicjade: yes stalking people does work. xD and no doesn't sound bad to want to be mentioned! I givez you inter-web hugs!**

**anyways...I'll try to update soon, but I've been getting braver and going to different bookshops and just picking up a book that "looks cool" and reading it. so I've been doing that a lot :D**

**Oh and WHO CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER?  
**


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